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profile Ferlisya Rinjasmin G. Am 16. In Moscow. ya'll have faith yaw. cause i love you guys. lets stone and slide. archives October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 September 2008 October 2008 |
Monday, December 17, 2007 @ 5:04 PM
if i can have one wish tonight my body is getting weaker and weaker each day. fingernails are changing its colour to dark purple. i cant sit for too long and i cant stand fo too long. i shiver out of the sudden. and i puke nothing. my lips are dry and i have ulcerS in my mouth. mummy, please explain. if i die,dress me up i that black dress u bought for sharlin's engaging day. baby is feeling bad. dont be ok sayang? if you're happy, im happy. my head is starting to spin again. i just look myself in the mirror. i look like a zombie. baby asked me to go to slp. i will okeh. @ 8:05 AM
wishes grant please. 1. to travel 2. complete Os 3. have tatoo 4. get piercing 5. enojoy life to the fullest 6. attend gymnastics 7. to have a boyfriend, he'll be the first and the last 8. a miracle 9. to attend prom night 10. to get married 11. to live 12. to have kids 13. to have my wishes granted 14. to stargaze with friends 15. lay on grass and watch the moon with gfs 16. no one acts differently towards me 17. the boyfriend i have will never know about something personal. and my wish continues ... but my last few wishes are .. make sure everyone remains as happy as ever .. die peacefully @ 7:04 AM
 this is the first funeral vehicle I've seen in Korea. I'm still keeping an eye out for a Korean funeral coach!   when she arrive,and i had to tell her.  this girl caught my eyes   The red painting on the wall is a charm called Da-Ra-Ni-Gyeong which is needed when praying and putting the body into a coffin. It shows steps of sort of status and all the graphics are made of letters like mosaic.  Waiting room for mourners and the dead person. We were their-cremators'-10:00 AM and had to wait for our time(It takes about 2.5 hours but it varies depending on size of the body).  It seems that funeral consists of many dramatically bitter moments like when the body is put into a coffin. This is when the body is about to be cremated. Heard many screams. Friday, December 14, 2007 @ 12:09 PM
im lazy to write but i have to, i cant inform baby that im going to seoul. -_- my batt is sooper low. middle finger you! errgh. baby, my grandma is in the hospital so we're rushing to seoul tmrw morning. im afraid if i dont have the time to tell you. so im posting now. aniway, i just finished packing up . i will miss you. i love you so much. take care ok? i will take pictures when im there. i lovee you sooo soooo much. ps;i hate travelling. gaah. what if the plane crash? baby, be my pilot!!!!!!!!! ): Wednesday, December 12, 2007 @ 4:01 PM
  its in a mess.i know. gosh. someone massage my body please. i feel weak. my thoat sore. ALOT. had to shout my ass out to mom. she was being self centred. i blow her off. i said " you and ur husband only think of yourself. lock the door as if i come in everynight! if i were to tell you that im suffocating but i cant wake u up, how?! . im sick and you're yelling at me at 6 in the morning.get a life, go get some jobs! do your breakfast on your own, youre not working mind you! " gaaah. im having headache now. bye Tuesday, December 11, 2007 @ 5:36 PM
if i cant scream, let this tune be it.); the lyrics is; I'm setting up Sunday Watching the winter grow so, oh, no Oh, We're making excuses For human frailties It's not about me Oh, it's never about me Now home is gone I'm lost and alone Now my lovers gone I'm lost and alone Kid, I'm right here and I'm not leaving There's no way to make you stay But, I'm saving all my worries for The day you don't need me We're selling out Mondays Watching those children grow, so cold, no Oh they're weighing our hands down Our Insecurities It's not about me Oh, it's never about me Now I can't go on I'm lost and alone Now my lovers gone I'm lost and alone Kid I'm right here and I'm not leaving There's no way to make you stay But, I'm saving all my worries for That day you don't need me Kid I'm right here It's now morning There's no way Please stay Setting up Sunday Watching their hearts in soil grow mold @ 4:13 AM
goodbye thick eyeliner.hello natural. today was fine. went out to walk around neighbourhood with new neighbour. her house was super fantastic. saw alot of gorgeous and hot people in neighbourhood. i didnt really had fun. i made honey dearest disappointed! ): im sorry im sorry what am i suppose to tell him now? "i used eye power to make it work,but it didnt?" i stare at that fucking pieces for like 5/10 mins? sharlin said " that thing isnt gonna be back in one piece again if u just stare at it" gees sharlin, i know that. pfft. can i go shopping now?can i? can i? can i? i wanna new piece. fuck you printer. fuck you .fuck you.fuck you. you're gonna explode soon ok! fish ass. errrggh. aniway, took some pictures.SOME. excluding me. but in some photo i was there. haha. aniway, dinner was blarhx? i didnt aate alot. but i ate a few nori's w/o any fillings before dinner. and mom said " keep your hands off that nori" haha. repeatedly when i came to the kitchen. connection was low in the kitchen, so i travel to the living rm but it got worst. so i sat in sharlin's rm. with her. she was talking to adi when i was in her room. i was thinking, isnt that fella suppose to be slpg. well, you'll do anything for someone you'll love right. then i remembered ashik.so i started searching for webcam. kana___. thats when i saw it under the stoopid printer. an thats when i started to stare at it and sharlin said blablabla.(above) i text darling during dinner, secretly. and he said he was disappointed and so, you shouldnt know. telling him will make him more disappointed. cause he said " i want to c u n i want to c u in webcam.. Tc.. " i ask mom if i can be excused for dinner and she said she'll leave me some sushis. i dont feel like eating. i think im gonna be sick. ytd night bump is still hurting.shouldnt be swollen. cause its impact wasnt that strong. i dont know what to type,but i got zillions of things to say. .__. since evryone on msn is confuesd and disappointed and exgfs keep writting mean word in nick telling me off. i think im not gonna be online or whadsoever. people, cool down ok? i may trouble people alot,but i didnt intend to. im coming back on 14. but i dont think i wanna go. but i've said to mummy i can accompany her so,i'll have to go. for the sake of mummy dearest. okey, seriously, i need to eat panadol. if im not fine by tmrw, im sick. definately.  ps: mel gave us a new nickname.RINjasmin &MIRsharlin and she is MELary. @ 2:58 AM
this is weird. Monday, December 10, 2007 @ 6:51 PM
your smile makes me happy,you tears makes me sad. today's convo was super harsh.(to me) gees. im fucked up, so i tied my hair super high and bund it up. it looks good tho. aniway can i scream? screaming aloud wont help, but it makes me feel better i dont even know what to post. mummy is making sushi for tonight. gosh, i miss sushis.mom isnt good in cooking, but, she's good in making sushis. now im miss salmon.yummie. the fish is tender soft if u boil it instead of frying it. but,i miss ashik the most. gaah.im crying. he's been asking me qns and i think he thinks im fake. okey, whadev.leesya aint emo. my forehead bumped to the mini table on my left. its fucking painful and i had a headache when i woke up. im super cold, and im wearing minipants. yes, an idiot i know. but im wearing my thickest jacket and my blanket covering the bottom part of my body. oh well,im hungry.im bored. ashik isnt talking to me. guess im going now.will online ltr at 5 or 6 pm. take care. ps: dear,if you're reading,dont take it to your heart. Sunday, December 9, 2007 @ 4:05 PM
forever and ever? baby look, im sure you're good in making your own decisions right? decide whats best for you. how can you possibly trust leesya when no one does? baby, you dont have to rush to be in a relationship with me. i understand that we're new to each other. yes,to be honest,im poked by your bestie. after you talked to me otp, i was flabbergasted. i spent the whole night wondering, will i be a good girlfriend for you? and my hope was, please baby, stay with me forever. your bestie have known you for years,i know that. so, i can accept her opinion about us. baby,will you ever let me go? When I first saw you I was afraid to talk to you. When I first talked to you I was afraid to like you. When I first liked you I was afraid to love you. Now that I love you I'm afraid to loss you. I don't want anyone else to realize how amazing you are. Everyday that goes by it seems like I discover something new about you to love it's incredible to me how one person can make such a big difference in my life, you touch me in a way no one else ever has and gave me so many reasons to love you. Because of you... I laugh a little harder, cry a little less, and smile a little more. I might not get to see you as often as I'd like, I may not get to hold you in my arms at night, but deep in my heart I know that it's true. No matter what happens... I'll always love you.     ps: i love you Saturday, December 8, 2007 @ 9:55 AM
common, lets shake ur head yaw. && sing with me! Another day is going by I'm thinking about you all the time But you're out there And I'm here waiting And I wrote this letter in my head Cuz so many things were left unsaid But now you're gone And I can't think straight This could be the one last chance To make you understand I'd do anything Just to hold you in my arms To try to make you laugh Cuz somehow I can't put you in the past I'd do anything Just to fall asleep with you Will you remember me? Cuz I know I won't forget you Together we broke all the rules Dreaming of dropping out of school And leave this place And never come back So now maybe after all these years If you miss me have no fear I'll be here I'll be waiting This could be the one last chance to make you understand And I just can't let you leave me once again I'd do anything Just to hold you in my arms To try to make you laugh Cuz somehow I can't put you in the past I'd do anything Just to fall asleep with you Will you remember me? Cuz I know I won't forget you I close my eyes And all I see is you I close my eyes I try to sleep I can't forget you Nanana (....) And I'd do anything for you Nanana (....) I'd do anything Just to hold you in my arms To try to make you laugh Cuz somehow I can't put you in the past I'd do anything Just to fall asleep with you Will you remember me? Cuz I know I won't forget you I'd do anything To fall asleep with you I'd do anything There's nothing I won't do I'd do anything To fall asleep with you I'd do anything Cuz I know I won't forget you @ 9:29 AM
hotassboyfriend's girlfriend. 12.35 am. i missing my baby tonight. the feeling just aint right. peow. im chatting with darling((: evryone is alsp. yea, evryone is aslp. since i've slpt in the evening, i think i cant stay up late till probably 4? 5? gosh, i miss my ashik so much. i mean it. SOOOO MUCH. jam ben. haha. mobile,mobil. hotassboyfriend, i love you. Friday, December 7, 2007 @ 9:39 AM
hotassboyfriend  I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart. I am never without it. Anywhere I go, you go, my dear. And whatever is done by only me... is your doing, my darling. I fear no fate... for you are my fate, my sweet. I want no world, for beautiful... you are my world, my true. Here is the deepest secret no one knows. Here is the root of the root... and the bud of the bud... and the sky of the sky of a tree called life... which grows higher than the soul can hope... or mind can hide. It is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart. ps:i love you hotassboyfriend Thursday, December 6, 2007 @ 6:26 PM
AFTERNOONmadness      will be misisng tho. ps: i love hotassboyfriend @ 9:15 AM
woah,rawk on \m/ green for leesya red for ashik gees. thank god he knows. haha. oh well. its a secret love before that. haha. just a friend, thats all i'll ever been to you. just a girl, who wants to be in the centre of your world. But I ain’t got much to offer but my heart and soul And I guess that’s not enough for you to notice me I try to smile when I see other girls with you Acting like everything is ok But ohh, You don’t know how it feels to be so in love With someone who doesn’t even know my secret love In my dreams,i see us both together constantly Why can’t you see this love that’s here for you inside of me? What do I have to do for you to notice this ? You look at her with love with me it’s just friendship . im just a girl, and thats all i'll ever be to you you are not just a friend that you have ever been to me not just a girl but you are the girl in the centre of my world you have given me more than your heart and soul and I do notice you, leesya.. I just don’t want you to know, that’s why I put those girls Act as if I don’t have feeling for you.. But yeah, I know how its felt to be in love With someone who I adore the most.. In my dream you are the leesya my sweet little princess The one and only one You don’t need me to notice you it all happen just like that I look at her with love, but now you’ve changed it and I thank you for that You will always be the girl who I want to be with aniway, when can i actually meet newbestboyfriend? i wanna mess his hair i wanna bite his ears i wanna punch his stomach as if it was my pillow i wanna tickle him i wanna mess his shirt i wanna make him gaze at me i wanna make his heartbeat skip a beat i wanna hear him breathe i wanna hear him sing i wanna make him play wrestling with him i wanna play hide and seek in the park i wanna have long walk by the shore i wanna star gaze with him i wanna laugh with him the whole day i wanna hug him i wanna give him a goodbye kiss i wanna make him love me. && i wanna make him mine. lets dream on now.. when will I be seeing you newbestgirlfriend? I wanna play with your hair I wanna whisper to your ears and say that I love you I wanna cuddle you till you sleep I wanna pinch you lovingly I wanna make you smile I wanna laugh with you I wanna watch the sunset with you I want you to be my 1st ever valentine I want to go shopping with you I wanna name a star after you I want you to be my only one I want you to know that I heart you I wanna kiss you’ & I want to make you mine i wanna text him,but, i've been disturbing him and he hasnt got alot of rest. so i've decided to leave a comment in his friendster. Im going to miss u for not texting me. You didn’t disturb me.. Im just happy wateva leesya’s name appear.. And I skip my work knowing that you are leaving today.. im wondering, if my family were to migrate back to spore, and i search for newbestboyfriend,will he be att or married? (in leesya's mind : gosh, its great if he'll wait for me "x) ps: newbestboyfriend, i love you. There will be plenty of guys out there who is better than me.. even if you have a boyfriend.. I will adore you from far and will wait for you… I Pray for your return one day.. Ps; newbestgirlfriend, sa lang hae @ 4:52 AM
im wondering ..... will you? ps: newbestoyfriend, i love you. gees. thank god he knows. haha. oh well. its a secret love before that. haha. just a friend, thats all i'll ever been to you. just a girl, who wants to be in the centre of your world. But I ain’t got much to offer but my heart and soul And I guess that’s not enough for you to notice me I try to smile when I see other girls with you Acting like everything is ok But ohh, You don’t know how it feels to be so in love With someone who doesn’t even know my secret love In my dreams,i see us both together constantly Why can’t you see this love that’s here for you inside of me? What do I have to do for you to notice this ? You look at her with love with me it’s just friendship . im just a girl, and thats all i'll ever be to you aniway, when can i actually meet newbestboyfriend? i wanna mess his hair i wanna bite his ears i wanna punch his stomach as if it was my pillow i wanna tickle him i wanna mess his shirt i wanna make him gaze at me i wanna make his heartbeat skip a beat i wanna hear him breathe i wanna hear him sing i wanna play wrestling with him i wanna play hide and seek in the park i wanna have long walk by the shore i wanna star gaze with him i wanna laugh with him the whole day i wanna hug him i wanna give him a goodbye kiss i wanna make him love me. && i wanna make him mine. lets dream on now.. mommy ,can i live with aunt sally? i dont wanna leave spore. you always said that its gonna be memories,you even said that, "take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints" i've took pictures, but im leaving something or to be specific, someone behind. peow. if i come back singpoare next yr, it'll be a three or four days stay only. gosh. i have a lot to say today. when i serve breakfast today, mom pulled me and said, we're leaving tomorrow. i wanna text him,but, i've been disturbing him and he hasnt got alot of rest. so i've decided to leave a comment in his friendster. i guess i'll be very usy today. not that i still have packing up to do but, i guess im going to explore singapore. snap some pictures. oh and damn it, i have to slp on the floor today. dinklebird, using matress ofcourse. im wondering, if my family were to migrate back to spore, and i search for newbestboyfriend,will he be att or married? (in leesya's mind : gosh, its great if he'll wait for me "x) guess i'll be going now then. going to snap some pictures. bringing my camerabag. with tripod,cleaning clenser,brusher,memory cards,and other equiptments in it. haha. tc ps: newbestboyfriend, i love you. Wednesday, December 5, 2007 @ 5:19 PM
lust or love? to think that he was my only one. he wasnt. somehow,in a way or two. i dont know how. im having a crush or maybe its just lust. his name is ______. its a small space, cz his name is short. sharlin and i got better with each other because of him. i mean, she read the convo.so yea, she said, "that explain evrything abt this wk" i wanted to be a better person bcs i dont want him tothink im spoilt. and im not. if i can have one night with him, just one night, i'll treat him like he way i treated jason. i'd love to mess his hair i'd love to bite his ears i'd love to taplek his face i' love to tickle him there's so many things. i bet he'll freak out when he read this. newbestboyfriend,i ( like? love? )you . Tuesday, December 4, 2007 @ 6:01 PM
i'll be leaving soon. mom just said " be prepared to cry your ass out honey," im being a good girl frm the last 2 days. okey done.bye. Monday, December 3, 2007 @ 5:26 PM
74. hush the urge of crying The art of losing isn't hard to master; so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster. Lose something every day. Accept the fluster of lost door keys, the hour badly spent. The art of losing isn't hard to master. I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster, some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent. I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster. Even losing you,the joking voice, a gesture I love. I shan't have lied. It's evident the art of losing's not too hard to master though it may look like..like disaster. @ 12:02 PM
when life was harsh, i remember the times i had with you. lets not cry. lets remember the precious moments we had @ 7:19 AM
You just lead my life into another place where it seems untrue Its just you, whom I don’t understand it took me a year to carry through I live one life to live one time I turn around to see it cry What do you think I do Did I do it right now tell me what is true Hope turn out to be redundant A cycle repeats itself I think through the past is growing closer It worth all my time with you I sense it’s falling apart But hope is there forever Sunday, December 2, 2007 @ 4:43 PM
reason 64. drink bleach and die gees i want to get a face lift. FAST first,i want no one to know me second, im gonna cancel out all accounts. YES, ALL. vampirefreaks,multiply,livejournal,friendster,plus maybe, i'll stop using msn! gees. people are to much. this and that. "your hair is a fake" "your face is evrywhere in the net" "are u sure u are fair" "leesya, are u sure u're going to state" "you dont look nice today" "whats up with that lips" "its wierd that ppl used ur photo as to send others comment and it was shock to see urs" shut up shut up shut up. who knows? i'll meet jason. and when i die, just leave my body alone and let it decay ok! dont even think of inviting evryone to my funeral. thats it. im taking my shower. not eating . and off to bed, eventho its early. *scream* Saturday, December 1, 2007 @ 4:12 PM
okey, damn i should know that i shouldnt trust irfeen. damn, poor izzie. izzie, urgh,be strong. please. oh god.that idiot irfeen @ 12:43 PM
Lets sing! Sleep on now I heard that a knee makes a good pillow When your down And do you like it When someone tickles your arm? Curl your locks of hair round and round You're so tired Let me straighten out your shirt As your chest rises up and down I don't get it either But someday we'll learn How the earth spins round and round You need to fall Thats what people always say You don't know anything at all you haven't felt the pain When should I crawl. When should I take the final blow. When is it bad enough. To earn the right to show. How hard should I fall Before it's my turn to be heard. How much pain should I show on my face Before you listen to a word. How bad should I hurt? How much is enough? You just jerked. I hope you're dreaming. But isn't drowning all we've earned? I won't close my eyes till you lay still, and I won't cry. I've been through nothing. I haven't witnessed a full stab. I need to experience something before I get laughed at. You need to fall. That's what people always say You don't know anything at all you haven't felt the pain When should I crawl. When should I take the final blow. When is it bad enough. To earn the right to show. How hard should I fall Before it's my turn to be heard. How much pain should I show on my face Before you listen to a word. When should I crawl. When should I take the final blow. When is it bad enough. To earn the right to show. How bad should I hurt? How much is enough? @ 12:15 PM
can the day get any worst? first, my dad,sister, poor hamster, no food, money, ashik and?? WHAT ELSE GOD?! @ 9:00 AM
okey, gf,bfs, came . thanks. appreciate it okeh! you guys rawk yaw \m/ im so gonna miss you  you crazy bitch  hot ass gfs  incredible 302  thank you very much for the sweet notes((:  stoopid bfs  and you two! thanks for coming (:  @ 8:11 AM
gees. sick T_T aniway guess whad i heard from ah bba " your sister was born to be lucky and you are just lucky to be born" gees,im sad. now sharlin doesnt want to talk to me bacause she said im lucky and she's not. ah bba is so cruel. how can he said that? im off now. |